Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
