Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
