Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am available for nakedness
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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