1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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