Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
