Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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