Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
