he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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