Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
