Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
