It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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