I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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