your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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