Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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