There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
