You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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