You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
