I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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