Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
