I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
