i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My balls are so social today.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
