I want to have your abortion
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i came on her dog
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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