Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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