he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
