We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
