Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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