I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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