OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
