We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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