Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
