apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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