Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize