I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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