I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
