so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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