i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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