i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So vagazzling was a success
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
