Kiss
Puke
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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