'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
