So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize