this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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