exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
