i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
two words: eviction party
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
