Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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