I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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