ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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