Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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