Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
