dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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