cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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