Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
