She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
