So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
