THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
