His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
