then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize