i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
