Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
