How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
