Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
