The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
