I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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