Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
