I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize