Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
