im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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