So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
