I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
