The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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