I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
