next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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