Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize