i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just puked most of my soul out..
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